這是一個阿嬤愛著阿公、阿公守候阿嬤的故事。。

there is nothing left to say..

loves this song to bits..

i wanna be this song..

Aurora

有一天，我一定要到加拿大看极光。。

和我心爱的人，手牵手一起看着。。

Stitches

I’m not very sure how to really cope with disappointment in life. when everything seems to come at the same time..

when you are disappointed with your career, your relations with people. disappointed with people..

disappointed with yourself.

when you feel like you are just a pawn in the wider web of human relations. when you are not even sure whom you should trust. who treats you without agenda..

who isn’t manipulating your weaknesses, your emotions, who isn’t making use of you..

when you want to trust with your heart, yet your head casts doubts.. and u can’t quite make up your mind where you should stand..

should you simply just doubt all the way, or should i choose to trust, that no matter how many questions there are in my head, i will choose to simply trust?

its been so long since i wrote a blog entry, i wonder why.. so long that i forgot how it feels like to weld a pen and express how i feel within me.. i literally forgot i have this avenue..

im simply just tired.. both physically and emotionally.. i really dunno when was the last time i actually slept well..

months.. years..?

ive packed everything into a box.. despite whatever pain and hurts there are.. i’ve managed to find the strength and peace to place  them in a box.. just like a wound which i have.. ive decided to stitch it.. without crying at the cut and the pain that comes with stitching it.. trusting that the only way is to stitch it..

but what do people actually want from me? who do they think they are to tell me wat i shld fight for, wat i shld agitate for? wat im limited to do? wat i shld be doing?

how much do u all really know me? do any of u honestly even genuinely care how i feel? how i am? who i am? wat i want?

are u telling me wat to do genuinely for my interests? or yours in disguise?

how do u know wat i really want? you are definitely not me.

why? ive already gone through much more than i feel is necessary.. who are u to tell me that i shld test myself, test the peace which i have earned through much suffering and effort..

why must my wound be torn open again and again? just becos u think u noe wat i should do? or wat u think i shld do?

why can’t anybody understand.. that i just want to preserve the peace in my heart right now? i dun need any more waves, even ripples in my heart.. 

i dun need anybody to try to unstitch my wound, thinking u have a better way of plastering the wound, or a way to make it go away..

the cut is already there. im already hurt. been broken down. and the cut is still so recent.. why can’t u all just leave me alone? i dun need any more murmurings.. any more voices.. anymore advice.. any more people telling me wat i shld or shld not do.. people telling me that if i dun do this or that, i will cease to be able to lift up my head..

stop determining my self-worth! am i worth anything to u in the first place? stop making judgments! how much do u even noe me? or any other person for that matter.

i wish there wld cease to be voices around me. i need some peace and quiet around me.

i dun need help. i dun even need understanding. becos nobody understands me.

im learning and starting to stitch up my wounds.. so that it can have a chance to recover..

maybe the cut will leave a scar.. who noes.. but if im not even allowed to stitch the wound, it cannot even heal..

can’t u see that? dun u have eyes to see and a heart that can feel?

can’t u feel my pain? my hurts?

u can agitate all u want. but please,

leave me alone.

out of all these.

i have enough of my emotions to deal with. the box is full. and im not going to have another box.

and i have cast the box unto God.

hoping and believing simply that He can recycle all these trash.

that all the pain that i go through will not be in vain..

for He is my Rock.

and no one else comes close.

Friends..

can disappoint.

Especially when you care..

but they dun care.. or dun seem to care anymore..

Nothing seems to matter anymore..

Maybe,

thats the painful part.

Maybe,

thats just the way life is.

Vanness Wu，吳建豪

During the past week or so, Autumn’s Concerto has been my refuge everyday.. somewhere for me to park my mind, and to immerse my emotions, away from the reality i’m in. just like how a good old novel transports you to a distant land for some time..

Words are not enough to describe the emotions i have when i watched this show..

but it just made me realize yesterday, again, truly how amazing God is, how He is always at work. in our lives.

and the person who made me realize this is Vanness.

His performance in the show really exudes maturity and a sensitivity that i’ve not seen before from him. from his soul.

Seeing him in a new light.

Guess this is the sentiment of many out there following the show.

I loved him alot in my JC years (as mentioned before in my previous blog-post) when F4 was the rage. but whenever i told ppl i admired him most, compared to the other members, the reaction was mostly one of bewilderment. sometimes even of disgust, and it made me feel kind of ashamed to admit he was my idol after awhile. even though i truly felt he was the most talented out of the four, because he could both sing and dance. and i really appreciated his music.

but at least now, he can be truly proud of himself.

or rather, he has achieved a breakthrough in his career. finally.

after so many years. He doesn’t have to defend, or try to say anything anymore.

His hard work speaks for itself.

His moment.

No longer just an entity of F4. but as himself. Vanness Wu.

exactly what he wanted.

Even though i don’t know him, i just feel truly happy for him =)

as a fellow Christian.

When i really look past everything, God is truly amazing.

just that when my mind is cluttered and my eyes can’t see in the darkness, or i choose not to see the light, i forget how good God actually is.

Whenever im lost, He always leads me to see how He has fulfilled His promises in artistes whom i appreciate. when i least expect.

FIR. Jam Hsiao. Now Vanness.

And i feel truly happy for him as i recalled how we all prayed for him when he came to perform at our church and shared his testimonial. How he didnt want his identity to be just known as one of the members of F4 anymore..

How he led us in a worship song with his friend..

It’s all still so fresh in my mind..

Prayers do work. And God is good. He really is.

And He will bring it to past.

No matter how bad the situation i’m going through, no matter how much i may cry, no matter how much hardship i may have to go through,

i believe,

choose to believe,

that this is the perfect situation. there is nothing out of place. no matter how it may seem to me.

It is exactly where He wants me to be.

I pray and hope that He will lead me out of the wilderness. that i may use my gifts and talents to glorify Him.

that I will have a breakthrough in my life as well.

I give You thanks for everything You have given me. in every situation i’m in.

下一站，幸福..

Autumn’s Concerto..

有时候，在乎，却要学会不在乎。。

是为了保护自己，不受伤害，

还是成长必经的过程。。

下一站，幸福..

一定要幸福。。

荊棘裡的花

愛 就該像盛開在荊棘裡的花，愈是艱難愈奮不顧身的綻放..

盛開在荆棘里的花,

越是流泪越仰望,

爱是一步一步坚强,

奋不顾身的绽放..

Who am I..

Read an obsolete blog i wrote a few years ago.. an abandoned one which i discontinued cos it was so negative i cldnt stand it myself.. lol..

and my very first entry on it spoke to me.. now.. at this point..

things that still matter to me..

to remind me who i was..

who i am..

["There's a wisdom in the teachings of the old familiar songs and a sorrow in repeating all the old familiar wrongs..."

A lot of thoughts but mind suddenly blank now, at the point of writing. thoughts about life, about myself, about the people around me... life is so unpredictable, yet sometimes when we reflect, there seems to be a force at work, something we can roughly comprehend, even roughly expect, but sometimes its just hard for us to accept, to face with courage. The past, the present, the future... there's nothing which we can seem to say for sure... sometimes its just so hard to face one's past, people that I've known that I choose to keep to myself and do nothing about it, though I know it may not be the right way to handle, to think, but who is to say what the right way is, what is wrong... human relationships can be so complicated sometimes, only you know what you really mean when you say certain stuff, what others perceive of you, your words, your character can be so diverse...can make you feel so tired that you just want to hide in a corner,do what you like and not have to care about other people, just you and yourself...this may sound selfish but I guess most of us feel this way sometimes...

I wonder if I'm silly but to me, I place love on a very high place in my heart...when it comes to love, I tend to give alot, do my best to make the other party happy...I can say love is almost everything to me, it means so much to me even though it can cause me to feel hurt sometimes...no matter how many things there are in my life, love is still the most important to me... sometimes even I myself can't understand why I'm like that... I know its dangerous for me to have this thinking towards love, that I should have other priorities at the same level...I do have dreams i hope to fulfil, goals in my mind but ultimately, they are overshadowed by love...cant find any viable reason for this... love the song "Sometimes love just ain't enough"..."and there's a danger in loving somebody too much, and it's sad when you know, its your heart, you can't trust (they can't touch)..."...these words are so true, so close to heart... when you love someone more than he loves you... does it matter? or is it a selfish thinking? that you'll shine your light only on him and wish that he would also shine his light only on you...

Sometimes, I do wish I wasn't such an emotional person, then maybe I won't be as affected by what happens around me...but will I like who I am if I'm not the present me now? Will things be better or will it be worse? Who can safely say for themselves?

Like Arwen to Aragorn, I can give up immortality, eternity, in exchange for just one lifetime with the person I love, truly. I'm contended to do that, no matter how silly it may sound, no matter how great the price is.]

this

is

me.

This is where.. Peace Begins..

I’m not even sure where to start or what to say.. because God never fails to amaze me and take me by surprise every time..

every single time.

when i feel or think im far away from Him.

He is always looking out for me..

trying to speak to me through different ways.. ways which He knows will touch the core of my being..

and hit straight on..

I’m so numb or so i thought i was, or tried to be, until He melted and broke me down.. today..

Jam Hsiao’s voice has been comforting me lately.. i just felt captivated by his voice, by the earnestness and sincerity he exhibits onstage towards singing.. which i used to have..

his voice just comes straight from his heart and its so full of emotions.. full of soul.. so free.. unrestrained..

singing is not just a craft, to him, its so dear, it touches people..

but when i heard him singing this song today, especially the last few words, its just so unexpected..

it just really touched my heart, and i cried for the second time in the day..

the first time were tears of sadness, of anger, full of unspoken hurts..

the second time were tears of joy, of comfort..

How can this be..

How am i worthy of this..

That God cares for me..

And always uses music, artistes, to comfort a small me..

How great is His Love..

We are one family,

We are one family, under God..

Somewhere over the rainbow..

Im not quite sure why but just wanted to listen to this song all of a sudden.. and thats where i found this sweet and cute little girl singing it..

its just so innocently pure.. when you listen to her singing.. it evokes certain emotions from within you..

no pretensions, nothing, just straight from her heart..

the sweetest smile, simply enjoying what she loves.. =)

i wanna be like her.

like a child =)

(she reminds me of when i didnt have my front tooth as well when i was much younger, haha =D maybe its just me but i love her eyes.. babies just look so adorable and innocent! their eyes =) lol. its a wonder how babies and children always remind adults about certain things.. they are really a gift from God.)

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.

There’s a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true..

Someday I’ll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far Behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney tops.

That’s where you’ll find me..

Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow,

Why then – oh, why can’t I?

If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,

Why, oh, why can’t I?